Children are clever. Adults, it seems, are not so clever. There is a craze going around school at the moment, whereby children have certain phallic confectionery items hidden about their person, secreted within blazer creases and trouser pockets. These sweets are not small. They are one of the larger, more Read more
I am a big old prude, it’s fair to say. I don’t like discussing rudery, I won’t go bra-less and I hate it when I have to explain the excruciating facts of life to children – either my own or those in a Science class. You have never seen blushes Read more
I want to correct something from my last post… It has been on my mind. I have started my new job this week. And – whilst I may have suggested I am “supremely overqualified” for it (how pompous!) I am by no means an expert in this field of learning Read more
I hate selling houses. It seems like a good idea at the time and then – BOOM! Your home isn’t your own, the slightest scratch or dent in the paintwork is punishable by crucifixion and the hamster, who normally has the run of a large tank, is confined to smaller, Read more
Showbiz update: Little Seymour Number Two is going to be Matilda in the school play! Number One is playing her mother. Meanwhile, I cannot stop watching Tim Minchin on Youtube,and wondering if he’d be as proud as I am, if he could only see how wonderful they are… And what Read more
Where do they go? It’s the classic question that everyone asks. Unless they are hobbits. Or fish. Or maybe double amputees. Socks literally just disappear. Which is annoying, and curious. It’s not the world’s worst problem, unless the socks are disappearing because a sibling stole them. Which, although reassuring in Read more
On Tuesday, my day was thus: Shermanbury to Henfield, to Shermanbury to Horsham, to Shermanbury to Upper Beeding to Shoreham to Steyning, to Shermanbury to Henfield to Shermanbury to Cowfold to Shermanbury, to Small Dole to Shermanbury. Maybe this is normal? And I don’t really mind, especially as the Steyning Read more
I have been a parent for a while now. Seventeen years, six months and twelve days to be exact. There have been many fiascos and cock-ups in that time. I am thinking in particular of an episode involving the garden, paint, footprints, and two toddlers who decided not to bother Read more
There are are a lot of goings on at The Funny Little Bungalow. Never a dull moment, in fact. We are often leaving the house, and as I have mentioned before, this is usually a complicated procedure, that we should have perfected by now. Yesterday, Number Two wanted to come Read more
It’s a new year! Crikey. How did that happen? It never ceases to amaze me how humans have managed to organise their calendar: how the 21st December is the shortest day in our country and it’s the same EVERY YEAR! It’s literally mind-blowing, like how daffodils know that spring is Read more