Recently, I have been craving a round table.
We used to have a round table. It was in The Shed. It existed there through necessity, and meant that the whole family, plus occasional guests, could sit around it together, elbow to elbow at times, but at a table nevertheless. There are no corners on round tables, and therefore, they typically offer more seating options.
But in the last few weeks, whilst in the middle of my annual January-inspired existential crisis, I have been standing and staring at my current table, and shaking my head.
It is not working.
Here, I will momentarily park the issue of the table, and acknowledge a few important points:
- We Seymours are once again in the middle of a self-inflicted renovation project. And whilst aiming for perfection is always futile, I accept that right now, perfection is a very long way off – even if it does exist.
- I have always shied away from the search for perfection under the misapprehension that it may make me shallow, thereby perhaps often subconsciously lead to me following a difficult path to prove my… strength? My unconventionality..? My bravery..? This fairly recent revelation left me pondering about many of my life choices. I’m still not sure I understand my own motivation.
- But, it’s true to say that in the past, the challenges we took on excited me. Now though, I feel less competent in coping with them. It must be because I have the perpetual notion that I am running out of time, and that was not the case ten years ago. Essentially, I am older.
So, to come full circle, all things have moved on and changed, as has time, as have I, and I now understand what I need to do! It is a revelation! And I hope one that will spur me on to be the dynamic, fearless person I was when I made (and coped with) all those risqué and eccentric decisions in the past.
And it all comes down to the table…
I discovered only recently that an old friend has become an expert in the ancient art of feng shui.
Feng shui is a phrase I have only ever used cursorily in the past. In truth, I have never taken it seriously. A bit like yoga.
But a quick browse on my friend’s Instagram profile and some thinking time and I came to a realisation. No, it’s not essential to have an immaculate home – I will never achieve that and it would stress me out to even try, especially under the current circumstances, BUT… it explains what I have been itching to do for the last few months, with the table, with storage boxes, with my continuous attempts to declutter bits here and there. The shelves I ordered for the bathroom on Amazon last week now make sense! As does the replacement shower head holder that I bought, meaning that the shower can now be used hands-free again… It seems mad, but I had only just thought to replace it, and here we are, a fiver later, and the bathroom works better. As a spin off from that, I*put a shelf up, and “curated” several items to display thereupon. It’s not exactly Country Living mag-worthy, but it brings a smile to my face.
Don’t get me wrong. My bathroom is horrible. I like to keep it real. Cold, damp, old-fashioned, (and not in a good way) but what was I waiting for? We can’t get a refit just yet, and so, I must work with what I have. These sentiments must have been brewing for a while because I put some plants in there ages ago, and today, inspired by Louise at The Feng Shui Touch, I realised what I needed to do; I wiped their leaves.
It is not easy to live in a “project”. It feels like housework is a bit pointless. I am constantly working under the notion of “What’s the point?”. Until we have reconfigured and redecorated, rebuilt and renewed, we will not be “finished”. But that has never got me down in the past. I have found the humour in the situation, managed with it, kept busy. I look back at videos of our previous kitchen ceiling being removed whilst I joked about it. I recall great clods of cement the size of elephant dung falling in a heap onto the kitchen floor as Big Seymour tried to brick up walls before the rain came. I revelled in people saying “Gosh? How do you cope?” Now, that phrase leaves me wondering the very same.
But I did cope! And now, all that has happened is that we – I – am in a different phase. I need to take control of my head and my space differently. For my sake, but for the sake of all of the other Seymours who live here too, I will declutter. I will add more plants. I will do what I can to make our space work, as it is now, rather than waiting for poor Big Seymour to get it all done “properly”. It won’t come easily to me – I have a lot of stuff, and I like the things I like. But I also want to feel unfettered by the superfluous.
There will always be a lot to do – that is life! And we were always going to tackle another house refurb’. It was inevitable, even in hindsight. But I must accept that I need to change my approach, especially as this house has all the outside space to carve out, too. It is exciting, it won’t happen overnight, and we will get there. Like we have done several times before. But I must stop this subconscious feeling I have that this is a temporary era: this is just a phase of our lives, a valid and worthwile one. I must not treat it as a blip – it is no more a blip than any life stage. And one day, I will lament its passing.
In other words, carpe diem. Sort your life out, Rebecca.
OK, calling what I am about to embark on “feng shui” is probably not entirely accurate. But it is inspired by the things I have seen on my friend’s page. Life throws everyone challenges, but to enjoy your home should not be something that is reserved for the calm, privileged few. I have an easily-addled brain, which I always thought might preclude me from things like a serene, orderly existence. But in fact, it means I need that even more.If I can make a number of simple changes that will help me to manage better, that can only be a good thing, and it will help me to cope with where we are at, instead of waiting for a time when everything is finished and “tidy”. I can’t finish our renovation, but I can tidy, and I can do it today.
I can also get a round table. Because apparently they are very good at reducing dinner time arguments (which would be amazing), allow everyone to feel equal (also nice) and are less easy to leave junk upon. If that counts as feng shui, I’m in.
Now I’m off to scroll Facebook marketplace for that table, because the budget is, as ever, microscopic.
I mean, it’s a start…
(*When I say I.., I had help!)
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