Wednesday, 31st March 2020 was my mother’s birthday, and I awoke to messages on my phone telling me how a charming family of four (The Marshes) had produced a brilliant rendition of a Les Mis song, and it had gone viral. I watched the news the next day – and there it was. It was indeed brilliant and charming and clever. I smiled, I laughed, I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.
My friends’ messages that had urged me to watch it also urged me to get my kids to do something similar. After all, I have four children, like The Marsh Family.
Oh crap.
After a week of feeling odd and strange, stressed and confused, I then had a horrid realisation: my children are in no way as cooperative as that lovely lot. They are feral in comparison, and, dare I say it, much less talented and civilised.
But wait! You may argue. Those children had an argument on screen! Oh they did, I acknowledge that. But all it took was one stern look from Dad whilst he turned the music off – waiting – and they were all putty in his hands again.
Their timing was excellent, their intonation and elocution – fantastic. They even had a sound system that worked, and the means with which to add sub-titles clearly, in the right places.
This brilliant video made me jealous. Yes it did, and I am ashamed to say it. I have so many ideas, but lack the originality, skill and technology to implement them.
Wednesday felt like a low point to me. After ten days of this Shitty Corona Lockdown, after arguments with most family members, confusion about restrictions, guilt over ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING and not having time to get anything constructive actually done (odd, I know!), I was in a weird place. And then, to have to accept that I will never, ever be able to produce something as cool as that lovely family’s singing video made me sad. Ridiculous. I know.
But we did try. I decided, to honour my friends’ requests, we would attempt something anyway. A birthday song for Grandma! That would be nice. So I jotted out some alternative lyrics to Stevie Wonder’s Happy Birthday, and then dug out the old Bluetooth speakers.
Utter crap! It is utter crap. All the shite we keep! After many unsuccessful attempts at linking all of our phones to blown-together, low-tech speakers all acquired via a friend’s mother’s unwanted bingo win stash, we gave up.* The Four Little Seymours were arguing vehemently once more, and images of those children popped into my head. The way they all gazed adoringly at their daddy… the way they projected their voices into their (real) microphones! Their timing…
I took to my bed.
I was trying to make a point. I wanted The Buggers to see that I just cannot abide their bickering! Especially when it is in contrast the other every other family’s successful Lockdown Talent currently on display. I lay on my bed for approximately four minutes wondering why no-body was coming to see what was wrong. But Mini and Boy were too busy merrily arguing next door.
But I hate being defeated. I am always up for a challenge, and so we persevered. Later, Big Seymour managed to link a phone up to the four speakers he has installed in our kitchen, and we turned on the disco lights he added for occasions such as this. Who knew they’d ever come in so handy?
And despite Mini Seymour initially refusing to join in, she can’t resist a boogie, and The Four Little Seymours sang their song for Grandma.
It was out of time, the altered lyrics were barely audible and the quality was poor but actually, it gave me (and them, I’m sure) a huge sense of achievement. We overcame the grumps and the arguments, and the poor technology at our disposal, and produced something. They may not be super-talented, but they did cooperate, and they did as they were asked! It cheered my friends up, and Grandma liked it, too. I have even now managed to edit the video with subtitles, albeit crap ones.
The next day, I decided that I am going to try not to stress about any of this. On paper, this is lovely! The weather has been kind, we have explored our local area, we’ve planted seeds and the kids’ reading is improving. We have food at the moment, and we’re doing O.K. We may not have all of our freedom, but we are not exactly imprisoned.
We are very lucky.
(*As for the Bluetooth Bingo Win Speakers, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful – we are very grateful for our friend’s mother’s freebies, but with Boy Seymour around, nothing lasts for five minutes unless it is built to last. He breaks everything.)
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