NNNNNineteen

Little Seymour Number One is now nineteen.

She has completed a year at university and made wonderful friends, fully embracing all the changes that have been hurled her way. She’s adapted to leaving home, starting a degree and being self-sufficient. She is a proper adult now.

In contrast to her mother…

In the last few months, I have come to realise just how easily demons can invade your brain. The whole family has been through changes, and of all of us, I have coped the least well. I have regressed, and become a frightened child.

With a new home, a new location, a terrifying new project and a new family dynamic with Number One largely being away, I have found everything scary and unfamiliar. Life has been odd. Life has been hard, actually.

I let the demons in – something that I have always been inclined to do, but I used to manage to keep them  at bay. When I was younger, when I was fitter, when I was, dare I say it, busier, the demons didn’t get enough of a look-in.

Over the last few months though, they looked in all right. They got in, they invaded, they took over. They feasted on my brain like a zombie virus. They’re still there, and whether they will ever be gone completely, I don’t know. But they are not, thankfully, quite so demonic. Slowly, very slowly, they’re buggering off.

I have got a different job starting soon. We have plans for the new house, and are starting to get used to the routines here.  I have promised myself I will start running again soon – running is my sanity, but it requires energy. Energy has been lacking. 

Today, I am grateful for my big girl, who is marvellous, but I am also grateful for family and friends. So many people have been there for us during this weird time. Life is tricky sometimes, even if the trickiness is partly self-inflicted, as in my case. 

Tonight, we celebrate by going to see the Barbie movie (!), and we will be raising a glass of pink fizz to the nineteen year-old, and all the people in our lives. 

People rock!

x

Memories of our Easter feast with friends. Pretty!