Oh deary me. What was I thinking? I have gone and got myself into a real pickle and like The Sword of Damocles, that pickle is hanging over my head, threatening to engulf and annihilate me at any moment.
I enjoyed being a nun in The Sound of Music. It was harmless fun – a learning curve in the singing department, but it did not call on my inner actress, nor my photographic memory (which has been broken since 2002).
I am now rehearsing for The Stepmother – a fantastic yet serious play, packed with drama, suspense and emotion. It tells the story of a young woman (yes – I am too old really but I hear they can do wonders with makeup) who is manipulated financially by an older man, back in the day when women’s rights were in their infancy.
On top of the responsibility of doing justice to this serious and intriguing historically important subject matter, I have a myriad of other things to remember in order for this to go well. They are as follows:
- I must learn my lines. MILLIONS OF THEM.
- I must deliver them loudly – but without shouting, FOR THERE WILL BE NO MICROPHONES!
- I must not speak in a high-pitched squawk, for which I have already been berated.
- I must come across as calm and in control – except when I am supposed to come across as frightened and afraid. I must be stylish and in command – except in the prologue when I must be young and traumatised.
- I must cut my hair into a 20s bob.
- I must not sigh.
- I mustn’t wander (except when I need too move to a different position on stage).
- I must not over act, or furrow my brow. I mustn’t “dance” (fat chance), I mustn’t twist or gesture too much.
- All of that said, I am supposed to become the character, and act as is natural, even if it means wandering/gesturing/sighing and/or dancing.
OH HELP! I do think I may have bitten off more than I can chew. All of the above are skills which actors learn. I am no actor.
I am trying my best – and the lovely director is very patient with me. But I do hope I can deliver something that isn’t totally awful come the end of March, when we go live. In short, I am terrified.
They why, you might ask, am I doing this?
I think I will only be able to answer that once I know if it has all gone OK. I like a challenge, that is true, and this is certainly one of those. But there was one thing that was threatening to push me over the threshold of my comfort zone, which got me thinking wicked thoughts about the merits of self-inflicted broken limbs, and resulting get-out clauses…
That thing was a kiss.
I read and re-read the script in advance of the audition. I was happy there was nothing in there that I couldn’t handle – lines, acting and voice projection aside. And then, when we “marked” a scene recently, there was talk of adding a kiss in. Not then – but later, when we revisited the act. And inside, I crumbled.
I had not seen this coming. The script contains no kiss, but I guess one could be interpreted… however, not my me. I tried not to worry about it, After all, I am a grown up. It’s just acting… blah blah blah. But after two weeks of worry, I could stand it no more, and I emailed our director with my concerns, namely that I didn’t feel my character would want to kiss anyone at that point and also that I am a big old frump, and couldn’t hack it.
Thankfully, my director was very nice about the whole thing, and understood my point of view. I felt terribly amateur, but this non-scripted kiss was threatening to destroy me (yes, I am overreacting a little here), and I needed to have my say.
The best part about this new play though, is that Little Seymour Number One is in it, too! She plays the stepdaughter to my stepmother, and is relishing her role. She is a seasoned actress, having done far more than I, and nearly has her lines learned already. I cannot let her down, and so I must up my game.
Now I have got out of any on-stage snogging, I can relax, and just worry about the to-do list above. Easy really!? And I have also managed to get out of cutting my hair, too. I had almost reached the point of agreeing to sacrifice my locks (which are a bit shoddy, to be honest), when I was given a reprieve, and an alternative hairstyle was discovered. It is only when I thought I’d have to cut my hair really short that I realised I should make the most of it. Long hair most certainly isn’t everything (I have had this conversation with my mother many a time) but if I don’t have to lose it just yet, I won’t.
And if any of you would like to witness my first proper foray into acting, you can find out more here.
I’ll try not to be crap.
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