At last! Hurrah! The government has seen sense and has today announced that social media will be banned for anyone under sixteen!
This is monumentally fabulous.
I spend a whole lot of time arguing with my children about their devices. When I think my offspring have been online too long, I impose time restrictions, I encourage phone amnesties, I sigh, I shake my head in mock disappointment, I shake my head in real disappointment, I shout, I swear, I snatch the offending objects and hide them, I then forget where they are (for real) and have a panic because I AM PAYING MONEY FOR THE BLOODY THINGS and can’t afford to replace them willy nilly. I stand firm – but then I think of all the catastrophes that might require a child to call 999, and relent. Hence there is a regular cycle of these “discussions” daily in our house because books go unread, jobs go undone, postures suffer. Eyes ache and brains rot. Devices are the cause.
Ok, I am catastrophising again. Probably. But however many times I tell myself that nagging and getting cross doesn’t help, and that I should rely on the child’s resolve to know when enough is enough, I know for a fact that children by and large don’t. The Four Little Seymours are good kids. They generally do as they’re asked in the end, but they are like most others in that they are vulnerable to the addictive algorithms that are designed specifically to reel them in and keep them hooked.
This is a big problem – in this country and all over the developed world. Many of our kids now think it’s their right to have a personal smart device, and I as a parent can definitely see the positives to this. The positives mainly centre around communication in getting to and from school, and being able to see where the buggers are. This is definitely useful and comforting. And since COVID, online working has been the norm for a lot of people – some schools have gone over to 1-1 personal iPads for each and every student – ours included. This does have benefits, but I can’t help feeling that it is yet another device for a child to stare at. To my kids’ ears, “Get off your phone” means “Go and use your ipad instead”, and if I hide both, all of a sudden there’s homework to be done and it can only be done with the sodding ipad. IT’s a f@cking minefield.
I know that barking orders to kids is not the most effective parenting method. Honestly, I do. But if I try asking nicely at least three times, and that doesn’t work, I must, as the adult in the situation, take control. Battles ensue. Psychological warfare begins, and when that fails, we wrestle.
I am incredibly glad therefore that when my Four Little Seymours were little, they did not have phones. Big Seymour received an ipad for his 40th birthday and this device was popular with them all. Sometimes, they were allowed to use it. Sometimes they stole it and went to hide under a bed to watch something pretty tame like H2O:Just Add Water (Boy Seymour). But it was one device between the six of us and the exposure was therefore minimal.
The Little Seymours soon learnt that as time progressed, Mummy’s phone became more and more exciting. In fact, it was only when Mini Seymour, my last, came along that I had a smartphone at all, and the ability to post a Facebook update from the hospital bed after she was born was a novelty! Of course, there were times when I would allow one or other of them to use the phone for a game or cartoon, maybe when we were waiting for Number One to finish tap dancing, or for Number Two to do her ballet. Or maybe occasionally in the mornings when it was too early for sane humans to get up and Looney Tunes kept Boy Seymour still next to me for a little bit longer (dreadful, I know!).
And then of course, secondary school loomed and each and every one of my kids got a phone in readiness for that. Their phones increased in sophistication – like my own. Back in 2015 when Number One started secondary school, they were much more basic and clunky, and trying to download any app was not straightforward. So Number One didn’t really start using a phone in any kind of major way for years afterwards, in fact it was probably during lockdown that she, like the rest of us, sought out entertainment online. I know I only signed up to Netflix during lockdown. It makes sense that Little Seymour Number Two also experimented with the phone that she had then, too. Tucked away as she was in her room, working on her online lessons, habits started to form.
And so it progressed until here we are, in 2026. All four of my children have phones, and most of them have iPads too. They use these things daily, multiple times and it has become the norm. Not just for comms (in fact Boy Seymour has just texted me to tell me he’s gone to a friend’shouse. No asking permission – just informing me! But at least I know. With only two GCSE exams left, both of them Spanish, I think I can allow it). But I have to admit that my kids’ device use exceeds a level I am comfortable with.
There are many schools of thought. Some people think that to restrict leads to children wanting to use the sodding things more. Some people have very strict timeframes for use, or don’t allow phones or social media at all. With my overthinking and indecisive brain, I sit somewhere in the middle, which sends out mixed messages. I see the benefits and the drawbacks. I ban devices, then I allow them. I confuse myself and my kids and I don’t know which way to turn.
And so, Kier Starmer’s announcement today, that social media will be banned for young people, has really pleased me. It has validated my concerns, and justified all the times I have hidden ipads and stuffed phones down my bra to stop kids going after them. Finally – hopefully, accessing social media platforms will be illegal (and hopefully impossible) for children. The battle for us parents will be easier, in theory.
As I say, my kids are good really. They are not on their devices 24/7 and they do know how to do other things. Number One’s formative years were unaffected and whilst she enjoys her phone I’m sure, I’m not concerned about it. She is also nearly 22 and it’s none of my business. Number Two reads! And if someone is able to read books for pleasure, then I don’t think have to worry… But as for the other two – the struggle is real. I am hoping the government decision will shift things for the young people of today by empowering us parents, and sending out a strong message to the tech companies that they have done us wrong.
It is really thanks to a group of parents whose children have paid the ultimate price for using today’s technology, that we owe this government shift. Social media has been responsible for the deaths of far too many young people – one way or another – because it is constant, addicitve, largely unregulated and designed to get into people’s heads. For these reasons, us parents and carers are often powerless to monitor and control what kids see. The internet is big and scary and requires a level of skill many of us don’t have, to understand how to navigate it.
My kids hate it when I steal their devices. I hate it, too. Hence I am not consistent. And I do know that tech’ is the future. But I also know that children are even more vulnerable than adults to forming habits and behaviour patterns. Childhood is a time for learning. I too can doom scroll – I feel it happening and it can take a lot of willpower to stop. But because I’m old, and my brain is already frazzled, it matters less. Also, when I was a kid, the closest I came to a personal device was a green screen Amstrad pc that played one game only, and I had to share that with my brother. It was so dull that I preferred climbing trees.
I have been really struggling with the device arguments recently, and so for me, this announcement is timely. In fact, it is overdue. We now know that kids’ brains are too plastic to manage the sensory overload that social media bombards them with constantly, sometimes in spite of our best efforts to prevent it. Brick phones are now advertised at open evenings for new secondary school starters – hooray! Oh how I wish I had got all mine brick phones. But like many parents, I didn’t have the guts.
Kier Starmer went up in my estimation today. He had guts.
Now let’s see what Mini Seymour says when I pick her up from the bus stop. She ain’t gonna be happy!
(Flashback illustration – to when my iphone had a home button, and Mini Seymour didn’t have her own.)
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