Camping with children. A good idea? Well, that depends….
First and foremost, children like camping. It’s an adventure – what’s not to like? Making dens just took on a whole new dimension, and look! The grown-ups are playing, too!
But what the little darlings do not realise is that at least one of the grown-ups has spent a week packing for this excursion, and that it requires more STUFF to go camping than it does to travel to Alaska for five weeks, or Ibiza for a month. (Oh, those were the days…)
Yes, kitting oneself out for camping is bad enough. Do you have a sleeping bag? What tog rating should it be? How about a mosquito net? And pots and pans? How many? What size? But when you go CAMPING WITH CHILDREN, the list is endless.
I think the Golden Rule , the one you must never ignore, is this: don’t go camping with a baby.
But let’s say you have a baby, and assuming you still plan to go camping after my advice NOT TO GO CAMPING WITH A BABY, you will definitely need to take the following:
– Three million packs of baby wipes. You may be going back to nature, but for now, the environment can just do one. Nothing else will get stuff clean in the absence of proper washing facilities.
– Disposable bibs. You might like to rinse and wring out your usual cloth bibs, but before long, they will ming, and you will be wishing you had something – ANYTHING!, to stop your baby’s clothes getting covered in food as well as mud, grass, sand and other generic, organic crap.
– Disposable nappies. I am not joking. I once thought it might be a good idea to take my washable nappies camping with me. I was delusional. Once again, the environment is not your concern right now.
– Plastic spoons. These are often forgotten, and when you reach into your bag for the brilliantly convenient jar of prepared mush that you can get away with serving, guilt-free BECAUSE YOU ARE CAMPING, you then realise you have to feed it to your baby with your index finger. And then you’ll smell of Broccoli and Pork Jumble with Added Additives for the rest of your stay.
– Some kind of cage! Camping is fraught with danger, from random kettles, to tent pegs, to unidentified scorpion-like insects and stray dogs to incongruous hammers. Take a baby container with you – it will save your sanity.
– Calpol. You will need it. Or your baby will.
– That Ikea high chair. Assuming Baby is old enough to sit in one, you will need a high chair. Only The Ikea Antilop will do. It folds! It can be left outside! And you can hose it off with Dettol as soon as you get home, if you feel the need. It’s genius.
Ultimately, only a fool would camp with a two-week old baby. But if you, like me, are a fool, then as long as you have your iron tablets and plenty of clean pants (a good rule for camping at any time, actually), you will cope. Very small babies need less stuff – fact.
OK, so now we have established that you are not stupid enough to GO CAMPING WITH A BABY, shall we just talk about some things that might come in useful if you are CAMPING WITH ACTUAL CHILDREN? Aside from the usual buckets and spades, sun cream, wetsuits and cozzies, the following might just see you through…
– Good weather. You will need this. Take it with you.*
– Forty thousand garments. Unless you are packing your washing machine, or you don’t mind the smell of wee.
– Board games. They may fill you with dread, but children can be persuaded to partake. It saves them getting bored and slashing the canvas with the scissors that are hanging about in a dangerous way because nothing has a safe place when YOU ARE CAMPING.
– Books. In the absence of electricity, books can actually be quite exciting. I particularly recommend the Usborne classic, “Camping Out”. Although, actually, that one doesn’t end well… For older children, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One has camping in it. But it may simply leave a normal tent wanting, in comparison to what Harry’s can do.
– Wellington Boots. These are vital. They have no laces, are wipe-clean and usually come in psychedelic shades, so are not easy to lose.
– Onesies. These can be worn non-stop for at least a week without showing signs of too much filth. Especially dark-coloured ones.
– Hot Water Bottles, to tempt the youngsters into their sleeping bags which are sodden with damp. (You can steal them back for your own wet pit, later).
– Cereal. You’ll never starve if you have Cheerios and the like.
– Threadworm Treatment. Sandy bottoms that might have been showered less often than is normal might present signs of threadworms. It is probably just sand, but who wants to take that risk? Having a bottle of mebendazole on hand might save you a long and embarrassing visit to a village chemist forty miles away.
– Sun cream, factor 365+. Rickets or not, you mustn’t let the young ones fry.
– Tweezers or a Leatherman, for removing pebbles from nostrils.
– Eight blankets. Each. This is Britain. It will be cold.
– Again, three million packs of baby wipes. In the absence of showers, you can’t beat a Baby Wipe Wash. For old and young alike.
– Wine. Take wine. For God’s sake, take wine.
Camping is great. Honestly. Even if it simply reminds us how lovely it is to live in a house with lights, hot water and a flushing bog. When you’re home, your solid walls will delight you with how secure they feel compared to a flimsy layer of canvas, and carpets will feel like gossamer on your feet. “Getting away from it all” is good for the soul, and I can’t recommend it enough, whether you venture to the mountains, the hills or the coast. Often, we parents choose rural beachside resorts for such ventures, and the advice above is based on just that. I’ve heard there are actual campsites with real shops on them, where you can even BUY THINGS during your stay. But I bet even they don’t stock Ovex.
*And if the weather is bad? Take lilos. At least they will raise you up at night in a flooded tent. Or give up and go home.
Good luck.
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