No. Not on The Tiles. I never go out. Well, rarely. Boo hoo.
This post is on actual tiles.
Yesterday, Big Seymour telephoned me during the day. This always makes me nervous. Will he want me to “pop” to Screwfix? Might he be about to request that I drive to his office with a drill he needs and that I can’t find? Will he be presenting me with the challenge of sourcing a lintel at short notice, as he needs one for tomorrow at the latest? Or has he organised a gert big delivery for precisely 2.56 pm, when I must leave to pick The Buggers up?
On this occasion, it was none of the above. He decided that we needed to choose tiles. Immediately. It was Black Friday after all.
I decided to try to be helpful. Even though I wanted to finish the synopsis of a novel I have been writing and send it off to a publisher, I put that to the side. After all, that is an indulgence. It’s not as if said publisher will ever actually want my shit. So I packed away my dreams and got in the car, to head to Topps Tiles. After all, an en-suite is something to celebrate.
I’d already perused Topps’ website. I was armed with ideas. So it mattered not that we’d have precisely twenty-one minutes to make our choice before I had to dash for the school pick-up. I knew I wanted an emerald green in there, some Victoriana, perhaps a William Morris feel? Or at the very least, something with a touch of Art Nouveau to its name.
What did we come away with?
Beige.
Beige tiles.
Boring bloody beige tiles.
Ok, we were limited by funds. Because tiles are not cheap. And all the ones I really, really liked were a million pounds per square metre. Black Friday or not, they weren’t giving the things away. So we settled on a big beige tile with a cute little baby blue/fawn/white mosaic detail and we are hoping for the best. Big Seymour is currently up there, tiling away with Boy Seymour supervising. I will let you all know how it turns out…
But I vow that next time I go to choose tiles (because one thing I have recently learned is that Big Seymour likes me to make such decisions as he gets so stressed by them – oh the power!), I will be bold. I will be brave and I will have Victoriana! There will be a touch of William Morris, and whilst beige might work in the en-suite, in the family bathroom, I’m going to town. Glitter? Maybe. Asymmetricalism? Perhaps. Relief? I bloody hope so. And I wonder whether Topps Tiles do amber jobbies with dead prehistoric insects in them? That might be fun. Expensive, possibly. But fun nevertheless.
But I must admit, stress, money and time limitations aside, this tile-choosing stage is rather exciting. And I’m hoping beige, fawn and baby blue might be quite nice in the end. And possibly having such a short time to make a decision might have been a blessing. We shall see.
I mean, how wrong can it go?
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