Progress!!!!!!

Please excuse my recent silence – I am very busy at the moment trying hard to carve an imaginary career out of thin air, whilst attempting to figure out a way to support this whim financially. I fear I will fail on both counts, but as long as my epitaph purports to the fact that I tried, I guess I’ll be happy.

Meanwhile, at the Funny Little Bungalow…

Well, the Great Glass Doors have glass! The Vegas Rubber is done! The southern flank is tiled! The breakages from the weekend before are fixed! Last night, Big Seymour announced that he has fitted the soil pipe to our new upstairs toilets! And on Monday, I scavenged a free table from the roadside. So many exclamation marks! Such a lot of excitement!
Yet the reality is this: there is still a heck of a long way to go. The Four Little Seymours are on top of each other in The Shed, the weather is turning cold, and I’ve not had a bath for eight months.
I am choosing to stay positive, however, so let’s keep going with the exclamation marks, shall we?

We have chosen a new front door! It’s a snazzy thing – rather posh, in fact. Not ornate and art deco, as I would have liked, but as it is a “second”, and consequently, a third of the price it should be, I choose to like it. Apparently, Lord and Lady Something ordered it, but it was not measured correctly, and so Lord and Lady Seymour are having it instead, and making the hole jolly well fit the door. Yay!

We have come up with the kitchen layout! This must be exclaimed, as it is a huge deal. A bit early for kitchen designs, you might think? But no! Big Seymour has sockets to place, and so, we have been having “discussions” about what will go where. As I’m being positive, I shall simply say that Big Seymour’s retro (yet also space-age) formal bench seating area/worktop combo plan took me by surprise (for “surprise”, read “horror”), and has been put to bed. I hope.

For eight whole months now we have been living in The Shed. I consider this an achievement, actually. We’ve made a little home for ourselves at the bottom of the garden, and it’s been fine. Is it cold? A bit. But then, this time last year, after Big Seymour had removed all the insulation from the loft space in The Funny Little Bungalow, it was pretty darn cold in there, too. We’re used to it. It’s character building! And where else could you be sitting in your makeshift kitchen and have a child blurt out “Chicken in the tree!” as part and parcel of your usual mealtime routine? Our neighbours are of the feathered variety, and they like to peer in.

As the winter sets in, morale is waning, that’s for sure. The days are so flipping short! The Four Little Seymours have started to write Christmas lists. I hate Christmas lists. Surely, Father Christmas should send what he thinks is suitable? But I had to chuckle. Boy Seymour’s list reads as follows:

Plees may a have A Itab. iPod.
Minnie Mixies
Puppy huskee
Toking puppy
Camra
Big jaint tedee.
Nerf Nerf Gun.

He has crossed out Nerf Gun, as he has one of those already. He has also scribbled all over everything but the top line, as I told him that asking for too much will just piss Santa off. But a husky puppy? Er, no. Just no. I have enough reprobates to look after already. Which just leaves an Itab… perhaps I can pretend not to know what he means..?

Yes, I know I’m a being a bit like Scrooge, but it’s only the 10th November! I am busy conjuring up ideas for presents that don’t require storing anywhere, as there is nowhere! We have so much stuff anyway, owing to all the jumble sales we attend. And Christmas is so commercialised these days. Blah blah blah. Humbug.

I am certainly going for a low-key festive season this year. I’m not even sure there’s room in The Shed for a Christmas tree. There’s no chimney, so Father Christmas might fly straight past. And the oven sets off the smoke alarm every time I use it, so cooking a turkey will be fun. But I am being positive! I intend to savour our Christmas in The Shed, for hopefully it will be the only one. And drink. A lot.

But at least it looks like we will have a front door by Christmas. That will be a novelty – we haven’t had one of those since September 2015.
Now surely, that’s progress!!!!!!!